As someone who has struggled with my weight pretty much my entire teenage and adult life, making the decision to finally, FINALLY, do something was big. While change is never easy, change without a reason why is even harder to accomplish.
I think the only time I wasn't overweight was when I was a little kid. However, we lived in France for a short time and compared to the other French kids, I was definitely the tallest and "biggest" for French standards. Luckily, when you're that young, you don't really care.
When my family moved back to the US when I was seven, it was like hitting American soil caused me to gain weight. It's crazy. It wasn't until I was about eleven though that I really started to gain weight. And it was fairly gradual and I was never that kid you might call a "butterball" (ha, I just made that up), but I was always on the heavier side of the equation.
This became more clear when I was in my ballet class and there were all these skinny minis running around, and then they had to find the biggest child's size costume for me. I remember one of my first costumes for the annual production of The Nutcracker was for my role as an icicle...which involved a powder blue spandex long-sleeved unitard, which as you can imagine shows every crease and roll you might have. Even at like eight years old.
I kept going to ballet. I'm so lucky that I had a ballet teacher who never made me feel bad or like I was less because of my weight. I think there was a mutual understanding that I would never be the prima ballerina, but she also always gave me fair roles that I could do. I danced for eleven years all the way from second grade through my high school graduation.
Ballet was probably my saving grace for not putting on more weight.
By the time I graduated high school, I think I weighed about 185-190lbs or so. On my 5'7" frame, that was overweight. Once I got to college, I definitely put on the Freshman 15, or 20. Between the stress of adjusting to living away from home for the first time, college level courses, and making brand new friends and getting along with roommates, it was easy to put on the weight. There was just an abundance of delicious food and the dorm meal plan. Use it or lose it, right?
When I was a junior in college, I went to study abroad in France for a year. It was probably the best year of college that I didn't even spend on campus. I made great friends, had unforgettable adventures, and of course the most amazing food. One of the best things about Europe is how much you walk. I didn't have a car and relied on public transportation or my legs. The amazing thing is what happened after I returned from my year abroad.
I lost 20lbs! For the first time in a couple of years, I finally saw 198. Under 200. Without working out, food restriction, or anything. It was simply living the French lifestyle, walking everywhere, and enjoying the food (plus the lack of American portions didn't hurt, either I'm sure.).
Unfortunately, my senior year of college, the weight came back. The American curse it seems. Americans are fat. We have an obesity problem. It is real and it is present. Between the processed food, overabundance of choices to be lazy, and spending so much time commuting, it's almost inevitable.
Fast forward a couple of years later. I met the man who would become my husband, I got my first full time job out of college, I was planning a wedding, we got married, and I moved from California to Texas. I was able to maintain my weight, though I wasn't happy to still be lingering at 218. Prior to our wedding, I had joined an outdoor bootcamp to help get me into shape. I lost a couple pounds, but nothing significant. I enjoyed the group workouts, but I hated the parts where they made us run a lap or two. That was always torturous for me.
After getting married and moving to Texas, where I had neither friends nor family, I think that I was dealing with the stress with eating. I didn't really have outward manifestations of being stressed out or sad or lonely, but I think I compensated with food. Because in our first year in marriage, I put on the Newlywed 30.
I remember I was horrified when I got on the scale and saw the biggest number I had ever seen. 246.
Four pounds away from 250. How did I let myself get that big? And because I was still wearing the same size clothing, albeit it a little tighter, I didn't really notice. But that number on the scale was a huge wake up call.
The next four years would prove to be an adventure in fitness. I was introduced to TurboJam by an acquaintance I met at a networking event. About six months later or so, she also introduced me to TurboFire, a new kickboxing program by the creator of TurboJam, Chalene Johnson. I think I got through the first 6-8 weeks before I didn't make it a priority anymore.
I had also borrowed P90X from my aunt and I started that program with my husband in 2012. We worked out together and even though it was hard, it was nice to workout together. I think we made it through the first six weeks before we didn't finish the program. 90 days definitely takes commitment!
I think 2012 was also the year I gave Weight Watchers a whirl. I remember it was right around the time that Jennifer Hudson had become their spokeswoman and I thought that if she could lose all that weight and look fabulous with the help of Weight Watchers, why not me. It did help. I lost about 10lbs by tracking my nutrition (that's the real key, tracking).
By 2013, I had shed about 20lbs from my highest weight, but I felt stuck. I had hit a plateau and I didn't know how I was going to jumpstart my weight loss again. And now, we were talking about starting a family. While we were kind of scared to jump into the arena of starting a family, I think deep down we knew we were ready.
About six months before, I had been to my doctor for annual exams and she suggested that I was exhibiting signs of a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This condition means that you typically develop cysts on your ovaries, have symptoms such as craving carbs, trouble losing weight, unwanted facial hair, infertility, and insulin resistance. Pretty much symptoms that no one wants, ever.
Little did I know that this diagnosis would be the monkey wrench I never expected. And while there is no "cure" for PCOS, it's a condition you have to "manage". You have to be aware of your carbohydrate consumption because of the insulin resistance. Metformin, a medication usually given to type-2 diabetics, is commonly prescribed to women with PCOS.
While the news of this condition was disheartening, it was also enlightening as to why I was having trouble losing weight when I felt like I was doing all the right things.
In 2013, I decided to try something new for my workouts - I tried Pure Barre. The workouts were tough, without being overly intense. Your muscles simply work hard through isometric movements. I love Pure Barre and it's where I'll go when I'm looking to mix up my workouts.
2014 rolled around and we were still not pregnant. We knew that it would take some time and that with PCOS it was going to complicate things. It was not going to be an easy road. Through most of 2014, I did Pure Barre and going to the gym on my own. I lost some pounds here and there but nothing too consistent.
By that summer, my doctor suggested we try fertility treatments. We tried a couple of courses of Femara and a couple of Clomid. To anyone who has tried fertility medications, you know what an emotional and physical roller coaster ride it is. After our third round of Clomid did not work, we decided to lay off of the medications for a while. I was tired of the stress of it all. We figured if we still were not pregnant, we could always try it again later.
At the start of 2015, and still no baby in sight, I decided to get serious. I knew that losing weight would help with the PCOS, but of course PCOS makes it hard to lose weight. Such the catch 22. But I decided that I would give it all I had. I had been watching a friend on Facebook who had tremendous success working out with Beachbody programs such as P90X and Insanity. She lost like 50lbs! And in February she invited me to a challenge group with the 21 Day Fix.
I had heard about the 21 Day Fix, but I hadn't paid much attention to it. However, I figured that it was 21 days, 30 minute workouts, and portion controlled food. Plus, I already knew I liked Shakeology and had been drinking it on and off. I knew that I could at the very least complete 21 days. I could move on if I didn't like it afterwards. So I decided to give it a shot.
Well, on Day 21, I weighed myself and I had lost 6lbs! For someone with PCOS, this is a HUGE accomplishment in three weeks. It's totally at a healthy pace as well, at 2lbs per week. This gave me the push and the confidence to repeat the program again, and then to decide to sign up as a Beachbody coach.
I am still on my journey. We are still not pregnant. But I know that at least I'm taking steps in the right direction. My hope is to help calm the symptoms of PCOS, regulate my hormones, and hopefully be healthy to carry a pregnancy to term someday. This is my reason to take my health and fitness seriously. I want to have a family someday. I want to be a mom. I want my parents to be grandparents.
I also want to help other women who might be in my situation, managing PCOS, and wanting to start a family. Infertility is one of the most difficult things to go through. It is heart wrenching and such an emotional roller coaster. While infertility's cause is different in each woman, one of the most common causes of infertility is PCOS. I had no idea that it affected about 10% of women. That's 1 in 10.
If you happen to stumble upon this post, have PCOS, and are trying to start a family, please know that you are not alone. If you're looking for encouragement and support in your health and fitness journey, I would love to be able to help you. I'm not an expert, but I know what has worked for me.
Left: 2011 at my heaviest weight. Right: May 2015, in my bridesmaid dress.
